Monday, May 21, 2012

Flash Fiction Blogfest: Lightning Flashed



Yay! My first bloghop. Hopefully I have played by the rules and done everything right. This bloghop is hosted by Cherie Reich. Thanks Cherie!

Here are the rules:

1. Entries must begin with the two words: Lightning flashed.

2. Entries must be 300 words or less and be in prose. I'm not versed enough in poetry verse to judge it properly.

3. Entries must be posted on your blog between May 21 - 23.

4. You must sign up in the linky to have your entry be counted.



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My entry: The Race

Lightning flashed his winning smile at the townsfolk of Forestville. They were packed against the barriers separating them from the contestants.

This would be a day of epic proportions. A momentous outcome awaited Lightning at the finish line – he would finally prove what he had been pontificating for two years.

The crowds were growing restless. Where was his opponent? What a slowpoke that Tommy was.

The townsfolk needed a distraction. Lightning cleared his throat. He would regale them with the story of when he outran lightning itself, barely escaping a tragic demise. Although he had told the story countless times before, he was sure there was someone new in town, or possibly from the next village over, who had not heard his heart pounding tale.

Lightning put his hand up and the crowd went wild. He bowed his head, a chuckle rising in his throat.

They loved him! Yes, life was good.

Just then something hard hit his leg and he turned to see Tommy smiling up at him. The crowd kept cheering as Tommy plodded over to his spot at the starting line.

“Finally,” Lightning said. “I was beginning to think you were scared.”

“Not me," Tommy said. “But is that a bead of sweat I see on your brow?”

Lightning quickly wiped his forehead. It was dry. He chided himself and glared at Tommy.

“Let’s just get started,” Lightning said. His time to shine was almost there.

The gun went off with a bang.  

Bang.

Bang.

The gun must have malfunctioned because it was firing over and over.

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Lightning the Hare sat up. Sweat soaked his pajamas.

“ARRRGH!” he yelled. “I can’t believe I overslept again.”  There was no way Tommy Tortoise would believe Lightning missing the big race was a mistake two years running.


48 comments:

  1. What a great tale! I never saw that coming! Just a minor but critical point... check your spelling of 'lightning'. Take out the 'e'! You don't want to lose points on spelling with such a great story!

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    1. Thanks for your comment, and thanks so much for catching that - gosh, how embarrassing!

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    1. Thanks for your comment and for signing up to follow me!

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  3. Ha, ha. Great retelling of a classic tale. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks very much. I enjoyed your touching story as well. And thanks for signing up to follow me!

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  4. I loved the twist you did with Lightning. Clever.

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  5. Ha! Very good! I considered using "Lightning" as a name, but I couldn't come up with a compelling way to do it. Using it as the name of the hare in the famous fable was a good idea. I suspected Lightning was that hare about two-thirds of the way in, but I didn't anticipate the ending. Well done!

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    1. Thanks Colin! I had to cut about 80 words from my original and I tried to pull out everything that would give the characters away... I guess you got me a little earlier than I intended! :-)

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  6. I loved your unique take on the prompt! I thought Lightning was a horse at first, and really liked the cute twist at the end.

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  7. Thank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.

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  8. What a great entry! I love this twist on the old fable, Julie! Great job. :)

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    1. Thanks Amy - glad I saw this fun blogfest on your blog! Just what I needed this week! :-)

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  9. Oh my. I did not see that coming. Very nice.

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    1. Thanks, and glad you were surprised! And thanks for signing up to follow my blog.

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  10. Oh I absolutely love it.

    Just so you know - I too spelled lighting wrong the first time through. Love Spell check.

    Also, you were the only one who caught (or at least mentioned) the non-gender specific nature of my piece. I intended it that way, but everyone seems to think it's a woman. Probably, because a lot of them know me and know that I AM a women.

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    1. Thanks! And thanks for signing up to follow my blog.

      And good to know I'm not the only one!

      Yes, after someone mentioned "woman" I had to go back and check b/c I was pretty sure you hadn't specified the gender. More thought provoking that way!

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  11. haha. This was great! I especially liked how you used the "Lightning flashed" intro :)

    Allison (Geek Banter)

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    1. Thanks Heather - glad you enjoyed it!

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  13. a great new twist on an old tale- awesome!

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    1. Thanks so much... and thanks for signing up to follow my blog!

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  14. You had me right up to the end....loved it!

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    1. Thanks Donna - glad to hear you were surprised!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it - thanks for your comment!

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  16. I love that you made Lightning a character, so creative!

    Andrea

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    1. Thanks Andrea - and thanks for signing up to follow my blog!

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  17. Slow and steady wins the race, especially when someone sleeps in. Great twist to the children's tale! Fun story.

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    1. Thanks Michael... and thanks for signing up to follow my blog.

      Your entry was one of my favorites!

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  18. Hahahaha! Loved the names and the twist.

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    1. Thanks so much Jenn... enjoyed your entry as well!

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  19. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I love the story, I love how you used the "Lightning flashed" requirement in a totally unique way! Also I love the original story, so great job! :)

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    1. Thanks to you as well Laura! Thanks for your nice comments and signing up to follow my blog!

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  20. Very funny story. It brightens my morning. Thanks.

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  21. Aww! I loved this. Such a great twist on the tortoise and the hare tale.

    I'll announce the finalists tomorrow.

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    1. Thanks Cherie... And good luck to you choosing from all the great entries!

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  22. Love your take on the fable. :-)

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    1. Thanks so much Misha... and thanks for signing up to follow my blog!

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  23. Oh, what a cute twist on the tortoise and the hare! I loved the Tommy's come back line! (:

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    1. Thanks Elise! Tommy is the calm, cool and collected one!

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  24. Great piece with a nice twist. And I like how you used Lightning as a name of a character.

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