Yay! My first bloghop. Hopefully I have played by the rules and done everything right. This bloghop is hosted by Cherie Reich. Thanks Cherie!
Here are the rules:
1. Entries must begin with the
two words: Lightning flashed.
2. Entries must be 300 words or
less and be in prose. I'm not versed enough in poetry verse to judge it
properly.
3. Entries must be posted on your
blog between May 21 - 23.
4. You must sign up in the linky
to have your entry be counted.
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My entry: The Race
Lightning flashed his winning smile at the
townsfolk of Forestville. They were packed against the barriers separating them
from the contestants.
This would be a day of epic proportions. A
momentous outcome awaited Lightning at the finish line – he would finally
prove what he had been pontificating for two years.
The crowds were growing restless. Where was
his opponent? What a slowpoke that Tommy was.
The townsfolk needed a distraction. Lightning
cleared his throat. He would regale them with the story of when he outran
lightning itself, barely escaping a tragic demise. Although he had told the
story countless times before, he was sure there was someone new in town, or possibly
from the next village over, who had not heard his heart pounding tale.
Lightning put his hand up and the crowd went
wild. He bowed his head, a chuckle rising in his throat.
They loved him! Yes, life was good.
Just then something hard hit his leg and he
turned to see Tommy smiling up at him. The crowd kept cheering as Tommy plodded
over to his spot at the starting line.
“Finally,” Lightning said. “I was beginning to
think you were scared.”
“Not me," Tommy said. “But is that a bead of
sweat I see on your brow?”
Lightning quickly wiped his forehead. It was
dry. He chided himself and glared at Tommy.
“Let’s just get started,” Lightning said. His
time to shine was almost there.
The gun went off with a bang.
Bang.
Bang.
The gun must have malfunctioned because it
was firing over and over.
---------------------------------------------
Lightning the Hare sat up. Sweat soaked his
pajamas.
“ARRRGH!” he yelled. “I can’t believe I
overslept again.” There was no way Tommy
Tortoise would believe Lightning missing the big race was a mistake two years
running.
What a great tale! I never saw that coming! Just a minor but critical point... check your spelling of 'lightning'. Take out the 'e'! You don't want to lose points on spelling with such a great story!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, and thanks so much for catching that - gosh, how embarrassing!
DeleteHa, I loved this. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment and for signing up to follow me!
DeleteHa, ha. Great retelling of a classic tale. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much. I enjoyed your touching story as well. And thanks for signing up to follow me!
DeleteI loved the twist you did with Lightning. Clever.
ReplyDeleteThanks Danielle!
DeleteHa! Very good! I considered using "Lightning" as a name, but I couldn't come up with a compelling way to do it. Using it as the name of the hare in the famous fable was a good idea. I suspected Lightning was that hare about two-thirds of the way in, but I didn't anticipate the ending. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks Colin! I had to cut about 80 words from my original and I tried to pull out everything that would give the characters away... I guess you got me a little earlier than I intended! :-)
DeleteI loved your unique take on the prompt! I thought Lightning was a horse at first, and really liked the cute twist at the end.
ReplyDeleteThanks Carrie-Anne!
DeleteThank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great entry! I love this twist on the old fable, Julie! Great job. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Amy - glad I saw this fun blogfest on your blog! Just what I needed this week! :-)
DeleteOh my. I did not see that coming. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteThanks, and glad you were surprised! And thanks for signing up to follow my blog.
DeleteOh I absolutely love it.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know - I too spelled lighting wrong the first time through. Love Spell check.
Also, you were the only one who caught (or at least mentioned) the non-gender specific nature of my piece. I intended it that way, but everyone seems to think it's a woman. Probably, because a lot of them know me and know that I AM a women.
Thanks! And thanks for signing up to follow my blog.
DeleteAnd good to know I'm not the only one!
Yes, after someone mentioned "woman" I had to go back and check b/c I was pretty sure you hadn't specified the gender. More thought provoking that way!
haha. This was great! I especially liked how you used the "Lightning flashed" intro :)
ReplyDeleteAllison (Geek Banter)
Thanks Allison!
DeleteHow cute! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Heather - glad you enjoyed it!
Deletea great new twist on an old tale- awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much... and thanks for signing up to follow my blog!
DeleteYou had me right up to the end....loved it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Donna - glad to hear you were surprised!
DeleteFunny! Nice story!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it - thanks for your comment!
DeleteI love that you made Lightning a character, so creative!
ReplyDeleteAndrea
Thanks Andrea - and thanks for signing up to follow my blog!
DeleteSlow and steady wins the race, especially when someone sleeps in. Great twist to the children's tale! Fun story.
ReplyDeleteThanks Michael... and thanks for signing up to follow my blog.
DeleteYour entry was one of my favorites!
Hahahaha! Loved the names and the twist.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Jenn... enjoyed your entry as well!
DeleteThanks for stopping by my blog! I love the story, I love how you used the "Lightning flashed" requirement in a totally unique way! Also I love the original story, so great job! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks to you as well Laura! Thanks for your nice comments and signing up to follow my blog!
DeleteVery funny story. It brightens my morning. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Mary!
DeleteAww! I loved this. Such a great twist on the tortoise and the hare tale.
ReplyDeleteI'll announce the finalists tomorrow.
Thanks Cherie... And good luck to you choosing from all the great entries!
DeleteLove your take on the fable. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Misha... and thanks for signing up to follow my blog!
DeleteOh, what a cute twist on the tortoise and the hare! I loved the Tommy's come back line! (:
ReplyDeleteThanks Elise! Tommy is the calm, cool and collected one!
DeleteCute take on an old tale! :-)
ReplyDeleteSome Dark Romantic
Thanks for your comment Mina!
DeleteGreat piece with a nice twist. And I like how you used Lightning as a name of a character.
ReplyDelete